Who are you doing this for?
Me.
For once I want to be able to give that answer to someone, and mean it.
What do you do for yourself?
Does anyone do just one thing for themselves every day?
Too many things to do in the day, to let yourself think about you.
Everything I have done, has been for someone else.
I do not give myself enough time in the day to think about myself.
But now, I vow to do one thing for myself every day from now on.
Spend at least ten minutes on myself.

Hold me up. Keep me sane.

Daddy



There is so much I wish from him.
So much I miss.
I feel his love every single day.
He sends me smiles from heaven.
Tickles my toes in my sleep.
My mother's first love.
He's my father.
Forever will I miss and love him.
Forever will he be in my heart.
I will be with you one day,
I love you Daddy.

Jacob Michael Redmond



He taps into my senses.
He holds my heart.
I dream of his love, his touch.
I wish I could do all of the things he does for me, for him.
I can always call on him, and he'll be right there.
He'd never let me down.
I'm in love with him.
He knows how to push my buttons.
But he always holds me above the fire.
Keeping me safe.
I love you Jacob.
We have forever to prove our love.
Starting now.

Crying

Crying

Soft droplets.
Cascade down your cheeks.
Emotions released like a prisoner.
Freeing your sentiment.

What feelings could produce such passion?

Misery,
Sorrow,
Grieving.


The demise of happiness.
Feeling the slow death of your pleasure,
Replacing it with the awful inevitable.
Cheerfulness slipping into the abyss.

Fear,
Terror,
Panic.

Being vulnerable to danger.
Stealing your breath,
Sharpening your senses.
Adrenaline pulsing through your veins.

When it’s lost,
The tears fall.
Dread takes over.

Sensing an inevitability.
Challenging death,
Pain,
Or loss.

Cheerfulness,
Bliss,
Delight.

Restoring your livelihood.

Sharing the divine power of your happiness.

Infecting people with your pleasantries.

For all of the reasons we cry,
We discharge our sensations.
To renew our inner self.

Dirty Face

She feels the pure white dress.
Silk under her fingers.
Waves crush in.
Sun slides below the horizon.

She’s stuck.
Everything ties her down.
The music can’t even pull her up.

“Close your eyes”
Voices in her head.
Obeying;
Things go dark
.
Water, Voices, Music.
She focuses.
Swoosh, Splish.
The water is all she hears.

Her fist is clenched.
What brought her here?

She fears it all,
Every pain.
Begging it all to go away.
Why can’t she be strong?
Tears that she’s held drown her.

She knows she has a purpose.
There’s a reason for everything.
But they keep asking why.
The voices in her head;
All swirled together with the water’s bliss

For the first time the woman’s voice is calm.
But the man’s is terrifying.
His song is slow, taunting, almost like he wants to drift away.
But he’s always been her strength.
She needs him.

Now she pictures her love,
Someone she feels she needs.
His heart beats close to her.
She can hear it,
Like her head is pressed to his chest.
But this time she’s alone.

Alone.
Her wish sometimes,
Her horror others.

The sand is packed beneath her feet,
Cold, as the warmth of the sun falls away.
Tears meet with the satin dress,
And goose-bumps cover her skin.
She knows someone is watching.
Yet she feels so alone.

Wondering what they see,
She opens her eyes.
Red lips, Blond curls, White dress.
All of the visible characteristics of her on this night.
But she can build a high bridge, that shadows her true identity.

The loss
The bruises
The tears.

All in the past.
All what she wants to hide.

The terror
The fear
The pain

All now
All breaking her.

A sliver of a moon appears.
The stars not yet out.
Her eyes blur with tears,
As she tries to see the sky.

He’s up there, somewhere.
He watches her.
Fathers her from above.

The questions all come in strides.
Mostly why’s.
Grieving is something she never got the hang of.
Maybe if she had she’d know how to move on.

Her dream is to walk through the cemetery and know how to feel.
Should she cry, or scream, or lay down and give in.
She wants to do them all.

But now she’s here,
Standing on a beach,
In her dream silk dress.
Not her wedding dress.
But her summer dress.

Summer is the season for white,
And her season for searching.
The season she’s leaving everything behind,
To find who she is.

But the first bit of her journey begins with letting go.
She stands with her feet in the sand,
her fists clenched around her skirt,
Staring at the sky.

Not knowing how to let go.
How to release the pain of losing her dad,
Fearing her life,
Or shadowing it all through the years.

But here is where she’ll stay,
Cold, crying, and scared
Until she can let go.
She’ll let the sea wash her dirty face.

Then, and only then, will she create a new, clean, worry-free woman.
This woman won’t need anything but herself.
She’ll love unconditionally the man she’s already chosen
She’ll never judge another soul.
She’ll embrace her past,
And her life to come.

And she’ll be strong.



This is a poem I wrote, but I'm not sure I like. I like the end, not so much the beginning. Maybe because I'm in the beginning with how I feel. Though I want to be in the end, letting go. Washing my 'dirty face'.

Jacob's Poem

I’m stranded.
With him.
This remarkable man.
I feel it deep.
Like floating under water.
I close my eyes and picture the place I am with him.
Under the surface
I see the orange
The colors blossom as the sun sets
His arms are around me.
The only warmth in the cold water.
I feel his beautiful body, his strong chest, and tight arms.
They circle around me sealing this love.
He is a pirate.
He stole my soul.
Picked me up out of the deep cold sea.
Brought me to the surface
And helped me breath
This is it and everything
He is amazing and this place
This feeling
Is everything to me
And the only thing I ever want

Philosophy.

I’ve learned a lot.
First: I know, stuff happens.
Second: People make mistakes.
Third: You can’t change them.
So change yourself.
Or focus on other things.
Fourth: You can’t change the past either
So overcome your fears
And live your life,
Not afraid of what’s happened.
But, embracing every experience.
Fifth: Medicine doesn’t cure everything.
And when they say they not to expect the worst
It can still happen.
Sixth: You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
So don’t date someone so you will change.
Change so when you try to you actually do have a happy relationship.
Seventh: You will never know everything.
But that doesn’t mean you stop learning.
Because new information can change your life.
Eighth: don’t live for other people.
Live for yourself.
Ninth: Stop hating.
That just gives them the attention they want.
Tenth: No matter how much you hate it,
Your ‘rents are always going to be right
So stop fighting them :p
It only creates more drama.
Eleventh: God really does love you.
So pray instead of curse.
It’ll get you farther in life
And make you feel better.
Twelve: Even when you think you have it bad
Someone has it worse.
So count your blessings
And stop whining.
It generally ticks people off when you do it too much.


&& more recently i have learned...
Thirteenth: Never say that someone completes you. We have to feel whole even when we are by ourselves, for needing a certain someone is not love, but dependency. Wanting a person to become a part of your live is the best reason for having them. So rather than search for the someone who will complete you, wait for the person that will compliment your completeness.
Fourteenth: Change is to the fearful, threatening, because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make us stronger.
Fifteenth: Don’t be afraid of death. Be afraid of an un-lived life. You don’t have to live forever to make life worth living.. You just have to live.
Sixteenth: Holding on is not what makes you strong. It takes much more strength to just let go and move on.
Seventeenth: You can’t find the right person, if you never let go of the wrong one.

&& most importantly..

Eighteenth: Always Stay Strong.

Magic.

The rain slid down her
Just like tears
Washing away all her fears

Someone is with her
Someone who cares

But magic is
Over looked

To the naked eye
She dances alone
So will you explain
What she sees so plain

Love is strange
And Trust is easy *

The park is dark
The lights all out
As the pretty girl twirls

A protection surrounds her
Nothing will touch her

Not lightning
Not fire
Not the old man on the corner

How, may we ask,
Does this work

Love is strange
And Trust is easy*

Questions
Unanswered
May be the ones
We know
In our hearts

Because there is someone
Someone with you

Love is strange
And Trust is easy*

Special is something
Something bypassed everyday
Do you see?

The special girl
Dancing in the rain
Twirling in the park

Surrounded
Protected
Because someone is with her
Someone who cares

Someone special
All because
Love is strange
And Trust is easy

The Jokester.

A baby sleeps
Wrapped so tight
A father wakes
During the night

His daughter
With her soft blonde hair
Sweet blue eyes
Who could help but care

What could her future lead
Who would his daughter be

How could a jokester
A prankster
And mischief maker
Love so much for
Just one

A child
A baby
A sweet blonde girl

Just one night
Could change their lives
Just one love
Could make the best of

The jokester
The prankster
The mischief maker

What is Love?

One summer’s Day
To what could it lead?
A new friendship
Maybe more

So what could lure
An innocent girl
Into loving?

But what is love?
And who would care?
Of course not the one she spared

So hearts are broken
Once again
Why couldn’t they
Just stay friends?

Bleeding Rose:

The rose bleeds
Into my broken heart
I hear the cries
I feel the tart

A husbands snores
echo through the night
She wakes and sighs
Never thinking of what might

A two-year-old wakes
Its Christmas Eve
Daddy is gone
Where could he be?

Ten years later
A new dad sleeps
While mother and daughter
Lie and weep

Christmas day
Gifts surrender
A new family
What could be better

A broken heart
pounds and pounds
Echoing noises of
greater bounds

Years go by
Its Christmas Eve
Nightmares haunt her
Alone and weak

Greatest fears
Sound so simple
But when faced with them
They could cripple

Sweet but sour
She feels like she could
cry for hours
But hours are short

And days go by
She hides what she feels inside
Until the day she can’t go on
Roses will bleed until she finds what she needs.